


Go

by thelonebamf



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 00:51:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelonebamf/pseuds/thelonebamf
Summary: Tony returns from Titan to find his home still in pieces. But before he can try to put his life back together, there's someone he has to see.





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**Author's Note:**

> I basically wanted to write this little thing since I saw Infinty War, but I had a lot of other things to do. Glad to have it out. Thanks to TheStigsWriterCousin for beta reading!

He should have been overjoyed when he saw Pepper on the other side of the glass doors, relief and exhaustion both clear on her face. And yes, as he stumbled towards her and they fell into each others' arms, he felt a modicum of comfort, yet, it felt empty. This was no victory. This was not his reward. This was all only chance- random and unfeeling. And survival was not the same as success.

 

"Tony..." she whispered in hushed tones against his battered shoulder. "Happy... he just..."

 

"Yeah," he managed to choke out. "Seems about right." His eyes slid closed as he tried hard not to imagine the look of shock on his old friend's face- tried not to compare it to the one he'd seen back on Titan, back when-

 

"...The kid too," he whispered.

 

Pepper pulled back at that, tried to look him in the face, but he refused to meet her gaze. "Was he?"

 

"He was with me. On some god forsaken rock in the middle of outer space, and I was supposed to make sure he made it back, but instead..." he stopped, unable to say any more. As he looked back at Pepper he could see the sympathy in her furrowed brow, the sadness and worry for his sake.

 

He didn't deserve it.

 

"You're not who I should be telling this to," he admitted, stepping back, squeezing her shoulders tightly before letting go. "I've... I've got to go. Things to do. People to see." He wheezed once as he dropped his hands, reminding himself to breathe, to keep moving.

 

He'd failed. That much was clear.

 

But it didn't mean his job was done.

 

\---

 

Unsurprisingly it took longer than usual to drive to Queens. Cars still littered the curbs and sidewalks where thinly stretched emergency personnel had managed to get them out of the way. A veritable chop shop wonderland, and yet for the most part the vehicles remained intact. The city had bigger problems.

 

He didn't bother trying to park neatly, didn't stop to drop coins in the meter. Getting a ticket would actually have brought a comforting amount of normalcy to his life right about now. He'd have paid it with a smile.

 

The building was much as he remembered it, even if he'd only seen it at night. Small and slender, welcoming and so damn normal no one would ever guess it was home to one of the greatest heroes in the city. Maybe the world.

 

Or at least it had been.

 

But there was no time for him to get lost in puzzles of past and present tense. He was here with one purpose in mind, and he couldn't allow himself a moment of distraction, not a second of weakness. Maybe everything was lost, but that didn't excuse inaction. 

 

Besides, this conversation was long overdue.

 

* * *

 

 

It was worse than he'd expected. A flash of hope actually crossed May's face as she pulled the door wide open, falling immediately as she steadied herself against the door when she saw Tony there.

 

"Peter..." It wasn't a question. If Tony Stark was at her door, she knew what he'd come to tell her.

 

"Can I come in?"

 

May's hand tightened around the worn wood of the door hard enough to flake away at some of the paint, and for a moment he thought she might tell him “no”. Might slam the door in his face and tell him to fuck off and leave her alone. 

 

And while Tony had basically formed his entire reputation around doing exactly what he was told not to do- this time he knew he'd have no choice but to listen.

 

But at last she stepped away, left the door hanging open as she stumbled tiredly to the sofa, her knee jolting against the end table bearing too many untouched cups of tea.

 

"He was with you. When it happened." Still not a question.

 

He nodded, fingers of his left hand tensing and flexing at his side. "May... Peter-"

 

"Save it," she snapped, turning to look at him with alarming speed. "You came over here to give me your condolences, tell me what a good boy my nephew was, that he was exceptional. That he was special. Well guess what, I already fucking knew that, so if that's all you have to say you can just turn right around and leave."

 

He almost did. Almost let this tired, sad woman chase him from her empty apartment all the way back to his cold tower where he'd lose no time crawling into the bottom of a bottle and staying there until he drowned. But Tony decided to stay, because while everything May Parker had said was of course true, it wasn't what he came here to say.

 

He dropped into one of the easy chairs without asking, finding himself almost sick at how colorful and comfortable and nice and normal it was.

 

"I didn't come here to placate you. Didn't come here to try and make you feel better," he told her. "But if you think things would have turned out any differently if he'd been at home, if he'd stayed on his little school field trip, if he was right here asleep in his own bed, then you're wrong."

 

She glared at him, her eyes hard but full of the singular kind of rage that comes from knowing the other person is right.

 

"I didn't come here to tell you what a good kid Peter was," he added. "I came here to tell you that he did his best, that he tried so hard to help, to keep all of this," he gestured to the room, eyes glancing to the window as he imagined the empty streets below. "He fought to keep all of this from happening."

 

"And May, he didn't do anything wrong. We were just... all of us... we couldn't..."

 

"Were you with him?" She interrupted. "When it happened? Did you see it?"

 

He had to look at her now, though every part of him wanted to hide his face, his shame.

 

"...Yes. I was with him and even then-"

 

"Was it... Was he scared? Does it... does it hurt when-"

 

She should have been crying, Tony thought. Even Pepper cried. To see Tony alive, to tell him that Happy was gone.

 

But May Parker was just looking at him, meeting his eyes with the cool determination of a woman who was no stranger to loss, and was doing her best to process it even now. But to do that, she needed answers, as much information as she could get. Tony could understand that at least.

 

"The others... when they went it seemed like the wind just carried them away. A moment of surprise and then... nothing."

 

"Oh."

 

Tony hated that he had to betray the relief he heard in her sigh.

 

"...But Peter... Peter always was special," he whispered. He wanted to lie, wanted to tell her that it had been an easy passing, but he had come here to give this woman the truth.

 

"May he was so brave, terrified but I could tell he was trying to... to fight it? God he... he apologized to me. As though he'd done something wrong. Like he thought I was going to be angry!" His arm was shaking again. He ignored it. "He could feel what was coming and his only thought was that somehow he hadn't done enough, that it was his job to stay and try harder and fight and help because that's just the kind of exceptional person he was."

 

He took a deep breath, stuttering and harsh.

 

"And I had to stand there like a useless fool, holding him in my arms as he tried not to cry and begged me to do something. Had to lie to him and tell him it was going to be okay as he looked up at me and told me, ‘I don't want to go’." He sighed, head and shoulders falling, feeling hollow and cold.

 

May shook her head, the back of her hand rising to cover her lips to keep from sobbing. A tense look of concentration crossing her brow as she fought to say focused, taking in every word and trying to piece together the last moments of Peter's existence.

 

"Go?" She asked at last. "Go where?"

 

Tony paused at that, not sure what to tell her. They'd all just... gone? Hadn't they? Ashes to ashes and all that? There was such a sense of finality to it all.

 

Tony had replayed the events of that day in his head over and over, had catalogued every one of his missteps, had cursed that stupid doctor and his vague mumblings, and wished the dollar store Han Solo was still around so he could laser him right in the face. The one thing he'd tried not to think about was Peter.

 

Peter who had jumped into the fray without a second thought. Who was ready with a plan at a moment's notice. Who managed to face impossible odds with a wide-eyed sense of wonder and disbelief that made Tony feel jaded and frayed.

 

Peter who had seen, had  _ felt  _ what was coming.

 

But did that mean...

 

_ I don't want to go... _

 

But "go" implied a place... somewhere else... unknown perhaps, like the bottom of a pool where the bottom is out of sight, but still there.

 

And if there was a place to _ go _ ... maybe there was a way to get back.

 

"I... I don't know," he admitted. "I don't know.. but..." He shook his head.

 

"I'm sorry, May. I came here to try and give you, I don't know... closure. To give you some kind of _explanation._ But now I think..."

 

"There's just more questions." She rose from her seat, crossing the floor, a little more steady on her feet than she had been before.

 

"Y-yeah. Yes. A lot."

 

The door opened once more, May's grip on the handle still iron tight, though she didn't lean against it for support.

 

"Well, Mr. Stark," she bit out as he made his way back out into the hall.

 

"How about you go get me some damn answers."

 


End file.
